Well, another birthday came and went, nothing special. I can't believe that I am 36 years old. Four more years and I'll be 40. Oh my goodness, that is scary, LOL!!! Where did the time go? I know I don't feel that old, and please, oh please, don't say I look that old! ;)

Anyway, I have all the youth I need in my two precious babies. Emily will be two next month and Aiden is already over 12 weeks old. They make me look younger, LOL, 'cause no 36 year old in their right mind would have kids that young. Well, that is what I keep telling myself so that I feel better. :) No one believes me when I tell them my age, with the kids with me, anyway, and, of course, I just eat up thier BS and play along.

We are starting the planning for Emily's party. We are going with the Dora the Explorer theme and I bought tons of stuff from Birthday Express. I think we will go with Mexican food too, to go with it. Hopefully one of the restaurants near us can make some stuff for us. I am not going to try to attemp to make it myself. Not for a party anyway.

Like I said, Aiden is already over 12 weeks old, and is such a love. He loves to be held and cuddle, and he will sit and "talk" with me and smile and laugh on command. He knows how to melt Mommy's heart, that's for sure. I can't sit and talk with him for long before the tears start to well up and I think to myself how we have been truly blessed. I feel like a dork for doing that, but it is just such a beautiful thing; both of our kids are. I thank God everyday...

Mommy and Emily with our pretty-pretties...


























Playing so nice together.

Remember, you can click on the pictures to enlarge them. :)

Just the four of us...

Aiden was baptized this morning in the same church that Bruce and I grew up in, were Confirmed in, married in, and had Emily baptized in. Aiden didn't cry, but I did! :)

Here are some pictures...

Bruce's family (that is here in MN)















Dawn's side of the family. (At the bottom of this post)

Started off really well, coloring so nicely...












Ooops, I got some marker on my face, but just a little...













OMG! Mommy was gone for a moment importing photos to the computer...









Making Daddy's Valentine's Day card...

We're a Tylenol family...

Yep, the three of us at home are sick. Luckily Bruce isn't. Poor little Aiden is stuffed up and has a cough, so he has infant Tylenol cold and cough. Emily has a runny nose so she gets Children's Tylenol cold medicine. For me, congested chest and head, so Mommy gets Adult Tylenol severe cold (alcohol free, unfortunately, LOL!). Hopefully we will all be well soon. It really sucks to be sick when you have NO SICK TIME to take, and zero down time. I think SAHM's should get at least 1 day a quarter for sick time, and if you don't use it, you lose it, that's fine with me. There are just some days when I need to stay in bed and cover my head, sick or not, LOL! :)

Well, Max and Smokey are gone now. We took them to the ladies' house last night. It was very hard and I cried like a baby, but I am at peace now. She seems like a really nice lady, has other dogs, and her house didn't smell at all. I don't know how you have dogs and birds and it doesn't smell, but it didn't at all, so we know it was clean. Their back and side yard was enclosed with a solid 7 foot fence and Max and Smokey were already out checking things out, and seemed to really like it. It was very hard, but on the way home this strange peace came over me and I stopped crying and felt good about it. I now know that they will get the love and attention that we couldn't give them. Well, we sure loved them, enough to want better for them and let them go, it was the attention we couldn't give them. Two children under two really tend to keep us really busy.

I just pray that they get the home of their dreams and they never once think back and think of us.

Today we are getting rid of our dogs and I am sad. We have to do it though, because of them, what they deserve, what we deserve, and what our children deserve, but I am still very sad about it.

We have been working with the Chihuahua and small dog rescue of Minneapolis since Novemeber to find Max and Smokey a new home. We have to because Smokey is really bad with children. He has bitten us many times and has bitten Emily a few times, and he behavior towards her has gotten progressively worse. He either growls at her, corners her or threatens her in some way every day, to the point that she is scared to tears. It is not fair to her to be faced with this threat on a daily basis. With another child soon to be on the floor and mobile, we just cannot risk it any longer.

Other than that, Smokey is a joy and a love (most of the time). He loves to be in your lap and get tons of attention. This is why I am sad. I FAILED HIM, not the other way around. I got him 8 years ago, at a time in my life when I needed to mother something, and he served that purpose. It is not fair to him that that purpose no longer exists. I treated him like a baby and spoiled him rotten because that is what I needed, not him. When the actual babies came he was neglected and hasn't gotten the attention he deserves. This is why he is going to a new home: to get the love and attention that he deserves that doesn't have children, where he can be happy and safe. Even though I know this, I still feel sad and angry at myself for failing him.

Max needs a new home for the love and attention that he deserves as well. Max is such a love and has the best temperament and heart in the world. He and Emily are such good buddies; she loves him to death. It breaks my heart to think of how Emily will react to him leaving. I hope we do not hurt her too badly. While Max is a love, he is not a good dog. He barks and howls outside all the time. He pees and poops on the floor even though he has a pet door, and is pet door trained, just because he needs attention. We've thought about keeping him but he would still be kept in the basement, as he cannot come in the main house because of his peeing and pooping. It's not fair to him to be alone, in the basement, without Smokey too. So he too is getting a new home where he can get the love and attention he needs. I am sad but happy that he will get a good home.

There are a few other reasons that support their going. We do a lot of travelling and camping and they are very hard to deal with or bring with while we're gone. We've kennelled them while gone, but that isn't fair to them. We go to my mom's house a lot and will a lot this summer, and will be out at the lake and Smokey has already grabbed and attacked a little boy there, and there are many children there. As you can see, the main reason for Smokey is for safety, he is a biter, but it still makes it hard. Also, the basement can be part of our house again, and it can be clean again for our children and us to be down there. There will be no neighbors calling or coming over because they are out barking all the time. I know, these are selfish reasons, and I guess that makes us selfish, but I don't want to lie and say that there aren't selfish reasons that we want them gone too. But, it doesn't make it any easier. Bruce and I have both been crying since last night. I feel like someone has died. I am sad, very sad, but I also know that they HAVE to go, if nothing else, for the safety of our children. So many people have told us to get rid of them when they see Smokey with Emily, so we know we have to do it, but I am still sad. I know it is our fault, not theirs. WE FAILED THEM, not the other way around, and I am so sad and feel so guilty for that, and I feel guilty that I know OUR lives are going to be better with them gone, and I just hope and pray that their new homes are good for them. I guess it's the fear of the unknown.
OK, thanks for letting me rant and ramble on. I just had to get this out somewhere. You can judge me or blast me if you want to, I know I am a terrible pet mother for this, but I just needed to vent a little and see if it helps to heal my heart.
Thanks.